The Family

My husband and I love to browse through stories and articles on the internet about controversial topics and then read a lot of the comments to see how different people react to the topic and take sides. Well today I happened to stumble upon an article called 6 Reasons to Have 6 kids and I enjoyed reading this women's take on why she chose to have a big family. However, as you go into the comments a lot of people begin to tell this women how it is irresponsible and selfish to have 6 kids. They say that having 6+ kids forces the kids to have too much responsibility or not enough, you are too poor to raise kids properly, you can't plan out your time with each kid and your too frustrated all the time to be a good parent.

Honestly, I can see where these people are coming from. Their friends who were only children or from a family of 4 had more free time to spend on computer games, hanging out and partying with friends all night, didn't have to do as much chores, didn't have to work hard in their lives because their parents paid their way to do everything. I mean, doesn't that sound way more fun than helping out with chores, watching siblings, and having a job at 16? Sure it does! But guess what? The sad truth is, now those kids are dependent on their parents for EVERYTHING. They become used to instant gratification and believing that the world revolves around them and they don't realize the value of true hard work.

I have seen the good, the bad, the great, the worst, etc. of both situations through my own family and the families of my friends. I grew up in a family of 7 and I'm the youngest. I got to see first hand as each of my siblings went through life and experienced the challenges of being in a large family. I know that I never once had a babysitter besides a member of my family. My siblings did have to miss events every now and then so my parents could go out while we stayed home, and while they griped about always having to watch their siblings, we did tend to have fun because we are a family and our parents made sure that we spent time as a family so we could grow together and we would love to spend time together. While that isn't always the case and trust me, we all fought more than enough times, we did enjoy each other. I will always be grateful to my siblings for spending that time with me, even if they didn't always want to, because those are some of my favorite childhood memories. And you know, it may be just me, but I think my siblings enjoyed that time just as much. So yes, my siblings were 'forced' to watch their younger siblings when they were teenagers, but if they hadn't been, I honestly don't believe that we would be as close as we are now.

We were also all 'forced' to do chores around the house, every week. We all knew the drill-every four nights was our dish night (with some exceptions) and every Saturday we had large chores to do that had to be done before we did anything else. We were never given an allowance for doing these chores because these chores were to help out around the house. We lived in the house just like my parents did, so why should it be only THEIR responsibility to clean it? Now I should explain that I never truly had this view as a child because who wants to work as a kid?, but now I see why these were so important and I'm glad I had to do them. They taught me responsibility, hard work, and that not everything you do in life will give you a reward, somethings just have to be done whether you like them or not. As a child, I was envious of my friends who got an allowance for their work and had less chores than I, but as an adult, I can see how much better off I am for having done these than they are without. Many of my friends still rely on their parents and will gripe about how life is so much harder than they ever imagined. They are now realizing that nothing is free, everything comes with a price and that they don't always get what they want, whereas I was taught this my whole life.

Don't get me wrong, my parents were in no way 'poor' when I lived their, but hey, I was! Just because my parents had money didn't mean that I did. Of course they payed for me to go to movies with friends and other things every now and then, but I also remember having to do EXTRA chores to earn any kind of money if I wanted to do something that they wouldn't pay for. My parents never gave me a car either like many of my other friends. I was taught at an early age that things cost money and I was taught how to save and spend wisely. When I turned 16 I got a job and bought a car myself from my parents. It was the family hand-me-down car, but it still wasn't free. Each of my siblings had to pay my parents for the car, just like they would have if they had bought it from a dealer and we also had to pay for our gas. We never had the fancy newest items and we shared most our toys and even our rooms growing up.

The funny thing is, if hearing this all makes you gasp, you should really talk to my siblings because according to them, I got off easy and had to pay for a lot less than they ever had to. :)

With that being said, each of my siblings, and I all know the value of a dollar. We've had to work hard in life and I'm pretty positive that we would all say we owe all of that to our parents. As a kid, you don't need a lot in life to be happy, which is the problem for many families now a days. They feel immense pressure to give their kids EVERYTHING. As a kid, my imagination was my greatest toy and many kids don't even realize they have one anymore. It's sad, but ultimately true. As a parent, the best thing I feel I can do for my kids is to allow them to realize their creativity and potential without the 'latest and greatest' getting in the way. I'm a parent who won't give my kids in elementary school cell phones and ipods and ipads because they don't NEED them. They may want them, but guess what? You don't always get what you want.

Along the same lines, my parents also taught us that education was extremely important. However, my parents weren't going to waste their money on buying that education just to have us throw it away. When growing up, I worked hard to get good grades so I could earn a scholarship to go to school because I wanted to, not because my parents said I had to. If I wasn't going to be willing to work for school, my parents weren't going to pay for me to do nothing. So no, my parents didn't pay our way through college, but in hindsight, I think that's a great gift because it once again taught me to work hard to reach my greatest potential. I wasn't lifted their by my parents, and for that, I thank them.

Now as for the planning argument, my parent's did both work when I was growing up (6+) but they learned how to still hive each of us our time, even if it wasn't always just one on one with them. My mom stayed home with each of us kids until we started school and then she went back to work for her. She was willing to give us the attention and love we needed when we were little, and even though she and my dad worked as we got older, they still gave that to us. They didn't plan out scheduled time with each of us each week or anything, but they were always their to listen, help and love us as we needed. They were always up for a board game or letting me do their hair (even my dad) or listening to me sing or dance or show them something new I learned. My mom was always willing to help with school and my dad always had time to teach me how to catch a softball or shoot a basket. Looking back, I'm sure they were busy all day, every day, but if you ever asked either of them, they wouldn't trade it for the world. Each of us were loved and taken care of, and that's all we could ever ask for.

So even though everyone is entitled to their opinion, I just want everyone to know that having a large family isn't irresponsible if the parents WANT a big family and are themselves responsible and know how to teach responsibility to their children. You can have a big family and be just as happy or maybe even more happy than smaller families because you have more people to love and more who love you in return. So whether you're from a small or large family, just remember that love is the most important key in any family and that your parents are trying their best to show you their love for you every single day.